..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
People in love make me want to vomit
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
