I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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