All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
