I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
