I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
