I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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