I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
