I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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