Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
tonight lets celebrate not being married
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
