i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
