This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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