I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
