Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
