Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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