my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
