its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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