Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
