Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I think my fart just growled at me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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