Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Boobs are out for the taking
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Randomize
