Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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