whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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