my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
