the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
