everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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