new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Come see our sink grown plant.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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