Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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