My cat gives me a boner
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Randomize
