the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
