Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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