I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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