My first STD was from a foam party
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
