My first STD was from a foam party
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
