Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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