btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
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