nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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