I must be too annoying 4 u.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize