there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
