I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
True but thats because hes a fetus.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Randomize
