sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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