I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
