HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
