I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
