haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
