Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
