Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
