i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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