I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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