You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
