Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize