Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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