Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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