We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
