He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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