how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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