also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
