Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
