My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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