I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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