i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
