Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Randomize
