so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
