Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
