Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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