Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
