I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
