The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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