in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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