And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
