I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
