the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
