as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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