Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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