i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
