You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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