Capitaan dildo arrescate!
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
