No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
