I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
