answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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