ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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