would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
