We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I want to be your penis for a week.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize