Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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