One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
