he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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