it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
They have beer where we have blood.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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