so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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