I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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