dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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