Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
