at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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