the condom got lost in my hair
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Mom said you looked used
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
