Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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