i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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