It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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