And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
