between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
